The Café is a locals only place at the beach.  It’s on a side street and out of tourist sight, thus it’s pretty much just a local beach hangout.  I get a snack and prepare for the inevitable.  (I work as a systems analyst and I can see the obvious and the not so obvious.)

Some idiot prances up to me and asks, “Whaddaya gonna do about Rapid Romeo?”

I glance at the idiot and say, “Obviously, nothing.”

The idiot asks, “Whaddaya mean nothing?”

I lecture the mental deficient, “If I go and confront Rapid Romeo, it most likely ends up in a fight.  After the fight, I go to jail, because I obviously started the fight due to the fact that Rapid Romeo stole my girl.  If I win the fight, I also have to pay Rapid Romeo’s hospital bills.  If Rapid Romeo wins the fight, he doesn’t pay my hospital bills, since he doesn’t have two dimes to rub together.  Also, the fight would be over a girl that will have to find someone else to walk away from in the middle of her next date, since R. Richard doesn’t play in sucker games.  Thus, I do nothing.”

(The crowd at the Café digests my statement and there are nods of approval.  I have obviously stated the truth and maybe even taken the first small step in the long journey back to social respectability at the beach.  I then get a totally unexpected gift of great value from a beach bum back in one corner of The Café.  Beach bum tells his buddy, 'You know, Rapid Romeo, the tall guy who drives the stolen car.')

The idiot in front of me says, “I sure as hell wouldn’t just walk away and let Rapid Romeo get away with what he did.”

(I don’t know the idiot, hardly at all.  However, it seems that he would like me to go and get in a fight with Rapid Romeo.  Rapid Romeo is larger than I am.  However, the surfer dudes know that I’m stronger than Rapid Romeo, especially since they know that I’m stronger than they are and they’re stronger than Rapid Romeo.  What the surfer dudes know, Rapid Romeo knows.  Thus, it seems likely that Rapid Romeo wants me to beat him up.  Thus last seems strange, but it may have some explanation in the beach bum culture.  I’ll need to think on the matter in some depth.)

“Right, you can go confront him and let me know how the conditions are at the local jail when and if you get back.”  I then finish my snack and leave The Café.  No one deigns to notice the departure of the local beach pariah.

I wander through the local beach scene.  Those who notice me want nothing to do with me.  Most of the locals pretend to not even notice me and I’m in the status of, ‘non-person.’  I still outrank all but the wealthiest tourists, but I’m below the lowest of the low as far as locals go.  Despite a sunny day, I find myself on the edge of frostbite.

Luckily, I have done some work for an insurance company and I have a contact.  If Rapid Romeo is actually driving a stolen car, I can deliver a blow against him that will hurt more, long term, than a Kung-Fu beating and, best of all, the hit that I plan to deliver won’t land me in jail.  Also, I’ll score some cash, which will enable me to put into motion the next step in my plan to restore my social standing.

In order to understand my plan, you need to think like a systems analyst.  Rapid Romeo’s great strength is that he’s the social lion of the beach.  Rapid Romeo’s great weakness is that he’s the social lion of the beach.  As the social lion of the beach, Rapid Romeo is welcome at any major public beach event.  However, as the social lion of the beach, Rapid Romeo has to attend every major public beach event, to continue to be the social lion.  There’s a big dance contest upcoming at one of the beach bars and Rapid Romeo must attend the awarding of the winner’s prize.  However, Rapid Romeo also has other events to attend.  Thus, by the time Rapid Romeo arrives at the bar, he won’t find parking space in the bar parking lot.  (There are stories of people arriving late and finding a parking spot in the bar parking lot.  There are also stories about El Dorado, the city of gold.)  Thus, Rapid Romeo will have to use the dark parking lot across the street.  The dark parking lot is definitely not a good place to park a stolen car.  However, Rapid Romeo, the social lion of the beach, has no real choice in the matter.

I lurk behind a building at the edge of the dark parking lot and watch as Rapid Romeo drives into the lot, parks, and then leaves his car in the far corner of the parking lot.  Rapid Romeo then struts across the street and into his glittering world.  Once I’m sure that Rapid Romeo is in the bar, I need but a few seconds to get the VIN number from the window of his car, with the use of a penlight.  I also get the license number.  I then leave the parking lot via a nice dark alley and sneak home using dark, deserted side streets.

The next day, I phone my contact at an insurance company.  I tell the guy, “I’m sure that I have located a stolen car.  I got the VIN and the license number.  I need to find out if the car is indeed a stolen and, if it is, who do I need to talk to about a reward?”

The insurance guy tells me, “I can get you the info and a number to call, if it’s actually a stolen.  However, don’t get your hopes up too high.  It’ll take me a couple of days or so.”

I’m a little puzzled by the statement, “... don’t get your hopes up too high.”  However, I give my contact guy the VIN and the license number.  I tell the guy, “I’m in no hurry, take your time.  You have my home phone number and my work phone number.”

I get a call from the insurance guy a couple of days later and Rapid Romeo’s ride is indeed a stolen!  The license plate is off a wrecked car.  I then use the phone number the insurance guy gives me and talk to a guy at the company that insured the car.  The guy tells me that his company will me pay the princely sum of $200, if and only if my info leads to recovery of the car.  (I sit stunned.  The used car is worth at least $20,000.  The insurance company is willing to pay me $200 if they recover a $20,000 car.  I have to wonder if the giant insurance company can spare the money.)

I manage to avoid calling the guy who offers me the reward a cheap bastard and I’m able get the name and number of the local repo guy who’ll recover the car.  I then go and talk with the repo guy.  I tell repo guy, “I know where and when you can get the car.  I’ll tell you the information, but I want a cut of the repo fee.”

The repo guy tells me, “If you can tell me where the car is, we drive over and pick the car up and get it back to my lot with no trouble, I’ll give you half of the repo fee.  But, you gotta come with me and drive the car back, because I can’t afford to pay a driver if I give up half the repo fee.”

Hell, I want to help with the repo for reasons that will soon become obvious, so I quickly agree to aid in the repo effort.

Late on Wednesday nights/Thursday mornings, Rapid Romeo has been visiting a married lady whose husband is always gone Wednesday night.  Rapid Romeo parks his car in the deep shadow under a tree on a side street, apparently to avoid advertising that his lady friend has a visitor.  The deep shadow will work well with the plans that I and the repo guy make.

Wednesday night, I walk from my place, over to the repo place, a couple of mile hike, because I don’t want my car to be seen at the repo place.  The repo guy then uses his truck and drives us over to where I tell him.  We get to the side street and Rapid Romeo’s soon to be ex-car is parked right where it lately always is on a Wednesday night.  The repo guy and I use the master keys a repo operation always has and, by chance, one of my keys opens the passenger side door.  I make sure that the passenger side door is closed and then I dash around the car, brandishing the key to let the repo guy know I can open the driver’s side door.  The repo guy trots over to his truck and waits.  I get in Rapid Romeo’s soon to be ex-car car and make damn sure that all of the doors and windows of the stolen are closed and locked.  I then fire up Rapid Romeo’s ex-car and ease it away from the curb.

The repo guy dives into his truck as I start the car.

I then follow the repo guy’s truck through back streets on our way over to his impound lot.

(To understand the next bit of action, you need to analyze Rapid Romeo’s situation from a systems point of view.  Rapid Romeo is screwing some guy’s wife, in the guy’s house.  If Rapid Romeo gets discovered by her husband, he may have to run for it.  One thing he doesn’t need is to drop his wallet during his escape.  Thus, Rapid Romeo doesn’t take his wallet into the house.  No, he cleverly stashes his wallet under the drivers side seat of his car.)

As I follow the repo guy, I feel under the seat and find a wallet sized lump.  I stash the wallet in my inside jacket pocket.  I also manage to raid the glove compartment for a few interesting items.

We get back to the repo guy’s impound lot.  I dump Rapid Romeo’s ex-car in the inner lot and trot back out to the repo guy’s office.  I get my pay from the repo guy and tell him, “You never saw me.  You have no idea who I am.  I was most certainly not involved in the repo of the stolen.”

The repo guy smiles, shakes his head and says, “In my business, my short term memory loss is a real advantage.”