Chapter One

 

The giant, brawny captain sat on the deck of his fishing vessel. He pulled out a small knife and began to peel an orange. Pages from a folded newspaper blew about the deck, where the captain noticed the headline: Strange Being Sighted on University Grounds! He then glanced at the date.

“Hmm, it’s almost Christmas. Almost time to say good-bye to 1910,” the captain muttered.

He was deep in his thoughts when he heard a hard crashing sound. He turned his head.

“Captain Limmerick! Get this thing outta the wheelhouse,” Timmy demanded, while he shoved the beast onto the ladder.

The creature lunged at Timmy and threw him to the floor. Timmy stood up and kicked it in the behind. It turned to Timmy and smacked him in the face. The captain’s head tilted downward and he stared at his half-peeled orange.

“Feck! I should cut me own throat with this blade, shouldn’t I?”

Eddy tried to encourage the beast to climb down the ladder. “Captain, we’ve got loads to do, but we spend most of our time trying to tame that thing.” Eddy paused. “Captain, what is it?”

Captain Colin Limmerick stood up. “Ed, yer me first mate, therefore, yer supposed to be keep everything in check on this vessel, am I correct?”

The mature first-mate’s eyes widened as he glanced at the beast panting in the corner.  “Captain, what’s this thing on our ship, eh?  What the hell is it?”  The captain paced a bit.  “It’s good we’re not too far from our emerald paradise, just now.”

The captain dashed into the galley. Eddy followed. The beast sat on the deck alone. It stared at the hectic frigid waves of The Irish Sea and almost fell into a trance. Lorelei and Tara sat at the table in the galley eating crumpets and drinking wine.  Lorelei appeared giddy when she noticed the captain.

“Ah, Captain Colin, yaz lookin’ as if yar in the middle of some serious orgasm, huh?”

She glanced at Tara and they both giggled at the handsome captain. The captain grabbed a large bottle of whiskey.

“Surely, I’ll ask the Lord to take me tonight, so I will.”

Lorelei stood up and straightened her tight dress. “What’s bothering yaz now? Is it that thing?” He popped the cap off the whiskey and stared at the bottle.  “Captain, that thing is just awful. It reminds me of a caveman.”

Lorelei snorted a few laughs with Tara. Colin raised the bottle to his lips and drank feverishly. He glanced at the two giddy prostitutes.  “He’s not human, in case ye didn’t know.”

Lorelei grinned. “I’m savin’ meself up for yer love-makin’.”

He tried to straighten his posture.  “Love-makin’?  Just tell me how much and ye’ll be off to the next port.”

“A handsome gent like ya, should learn to lay off the sauce, don’t ya think?  You could lose yar beauty some day, then what would ya do?”

He placed the bottle on the counter.  “I’d relish in me new-found ugliness.”

Lorelei giggled with Tara, nudging each other.  “Hey, what ya gonna do about that thing on the deck?  What is it?”  Lorelei asked, while she sipped on her wine.

“Why’s everyone always askin’ me?  Can’t ye feckin’ tell what it is?”

“It’s a caveman, isn’t it?” She tried to guess.

Colin grinned at her.  “Uh, Right!”

Lorelei glanced at Tara. “That thing is a caveman?  Really?”

Tara smiled at the intoxicated captain.  “What’s a caveman doing on The Atlantic Mermaid?”

Colin took a few more gulps of whiskey.  “What ye think?”

Lorelei snorted with laughter as her large breasts jiggled. “I donno, is it one of yar crazy science experiments?  Ya do all that research with that Russian chap, don’t yaz? Ya both conjure some crazy potions in that university laboratory of yours.  Tryin’ to play God?”

The beast shuffled into the galley.  Colin stopped drinking and noticed the creature pause and leer at him.  It snatched the bottle of whiskey from his hand.  Colin leaned against the counter, and tried to think what to do. He extended his arm.

“Give me that back, ye fecker, or I swear I’ll throw yez overboard, ye bloody shite!”

It guzzled the whiskey.  Lorelei and Tara tried to ignore what they were seeing. Eddy glanced at Colin with concern.

“Captain?  Is Lorelei right?  Is this monster the result of one of yar university experiments?  Just never knew how ya could keep up yar fishin’ trade; keep a crew, and make yar way to the university to work on a doctorate.  It’s not humanly possible, Captain. Now, look at ya, yar broodin’ away ‘cause yar pretty lass from India left yaz. Can’t have it all, Captain.”

Colin stared at the floor, with one eye on the beast.  It continued to drink the last drop of whiskey.

“Give me that bottle! Neanderthal! Pass it over here!”

Eddy’s eyes widened.  “Neanderthal?  Captain, ya brought a Neanderthal on The Atlantic Mermaid?”

Colin tried to look somewhere else, other than his first mate.  “So, I did.  I’m the bloody Captain! I can do what I want!”

Eddy stepped closer to Colin.  “Captain?  Ya brought a Neanderthal on the ship? How in the hell did ya do that?  Aren’t they long extinct?”

The Neanderthal yelped and raised the whiskey bottle only to smash it over the captain’s head.  Colin fell to the floor. The beast kicked Colin in the stomach several times.  Timmy and Séamus entered the galley.  Lorelei and Tara screamed and crouched in the corner with terror.  The beast jumped onto Colin and tried to strangle him.  Eddy, Timmy, and Séamus tried to pry the prehistoric being off the captain.

“Good Lord!” Shouted Eddy. “The poor man is knocked out cold and this thing is relentless enough to finish him off!  It’s a strong bugger, too.  We have to save the captain!”  Eddy shouted with a struggle in his voice.

Timmy grabbed the paring knife beside the half-peeled orange and slit the beast’s shoulder, enough to draw blood. It finally released the captain. Colin lay on the floor, lifeless, drenched in whiskey and blood. Pieces of glass from the bottle surrounded him on the floor.

Eddy knelt beside him. “Captain, you’ve always been like a son to me. Please stay with us.”

Colin’s eyes opened as he continued to lie on the floor. He tried to catch his breath.

Lorelei and Tara stood beside the captain. “Drop us off at the next port. We’re not coming aboard this ship with that thing!” Lorelei blurted.

Colin continued to lie on the floor. He stared at Lorelei in silence.

“Can’t believe you’d bring that disgusting thing on the ship and put our lives at risk for some silly science experiment!” Lorelei blurted.

Colin laid on the floor, still silent, where he still tried to focus his eyes on Lorelei.

Eddy and Timmy helped the captain up. “Colin, speak to us, please,” pleaded Eddy.

Colin tried to scoot to the wall, so he could lean his bulked physique against it. He took a few deep breaths as he wiped his bloody face with a towel.  “I’m alright, Ed.” Colin tried to stand straight as he noticed the beast sitting on the deck by the hold. He rubbed his head.  “Awe, sweet Christ. I feel I’m gonna die right here, so I do.  It near kicked the shite outta me, didn’t it?”

Timmy glanced at his captain.  “Captain, that thing ate half the fish in the hold. Now, what we gonna do, eh?”

Colin hobbled onto the deck and noticed the half empty hold.  He shook his head and kissed his lips. “Shite.”

Eddy stepped beside Colin.  “Captain, I know about yar science experiments at the university.  But, tell me why would ya bring this prehistoric beast on the ship?  That’s not like yaz, not at all.”

The captain continued to stare at the hold.  “’Cause I’m bloomin’ arse, that’s why.”

“Did you time travel and find this thing to bring back on purpose, Captain?”

Colin’s eyes widened as he lowered his head to be eye to eye with his first mate. “Shh…don’t go bringin’ me time travels up on the ship.  Of course it wasn’t me intensions to bring a prehistoric Neanderthal on this ship. Ye think I’m daft or somethin’?”

Eddy took a breath of relief.  “Thank God, thought ya were losin’ yar mind.”

“I found the prehistoric creature misplaced in 1970, that’s all.”

“What?”

“Aye.  He was misplaced.  He was surely to die there. I had no choice but to bring him along.”

Eddy was surprised.  “But, can you mind ‘im in 1910?”

Colin kept rubbing his soar head. “Surely, not.”

“So, Captain, why?”

“Let me die right here.  Amoli left me. Rosa’s engaged to Sasha.” He glanced at his first mate.  “What I got to live for, Ed?”

“You’re a good man, Colin.  Don’t go talkin’ this way. Ya can’t be draggin’ some prehistoric extinct caveman everywhere ya go.  Surely, no wench will fix her eyes on yaz with that thing hangin’ about.”

Colin gave a slight chuckle. “Surely not.”

“So, Rosa, that pretty wench is engaged to that Russian scientist, Dimitrikov?”

Colin stared at the half-empty hold.  “Aye.”

Chapter Two

 

It was Monday morning.  Colin and Neanderthal got off the train and plunged their way through London’s hustle and bustle.  Neanderthal followed Colin through the crowds, unnoticed. Colin was already dressed in his three-piece suit, ready to teach his Monday morning lecture at the university.  He crossed the street with Neanderthal, trailing behind him; and made his way to the university lecture hall at the Natural History Building.

Rosa walked by Colin.  “Colin! Hello!” She called out, waving her arms above her head to catch his attention.

Colin turned his head and took a few steps toward the beautiful petite figure, as he cut his way through the gaggle of university students. “Grand to see ye,” he said with a smile.

“I see you still have your fine fuzzy friend by your side.”

“Thankfully, he slept on the train ride to London.  I was finally able to order some breakfast.  It was brilliant, so it was.”

“Colin, you’re teaching a lecture now, and you’re bringing Neanderthal with you?”

“What else can I do?”

“You can’t bring Neanderthal to your lecture. Colin, he’s a prehistoric prime mate. He needs to be placed back in his time.”

“He’s bloody-well destroyin’ me life.  It’s eatin’ me out of house and home, and it bloody feck tried to kill me on the ship, so it did.”

She raised her hands to her mouth.  “Oh my, Colin, I’m so sorry this is happening to you.  What can I do to help?”

“Look, it’s me own mess, so it is.  Lorelei was right in sayin’ I’m always tryin’ to play God.  So, this is what I get for me own wrong-doin’, eh?”

Rosa lifted one eyebrow.  “Lorelei said that?” She paused. “How profound.”

“Why ye miffed that she said that?”

“Because she’s a whore, that’s why.”

“So?”

“Are you sleeping with her again, Colin?”

He stepped away from Rosa.  “Why should ye care? Yer off gettin’ yerself married to Sasha. He’s already married. Yer makin’ a bloody mistake.”

“We’re going to get married in a Catholic church.”

“Sasha’s Catholic?”

“I don’t really know what he is, but he said it doesn’t bother him.”

“Yer marryin’ him and ye don’t even know what denomination of Christianity he’s from?”

“So, Amoli Sharma is Hindu, whatever that is. Something Asian, I suppose.”

The prehistoric mammal started to grunt and poke Colin in the side.

“I’ve gotta dash to me lecture, now.”

“By the way, Colin.”

Colin turned to her. “Aye?”

“We’re getting married on Christmas day.”

Colin’s lips were parted as he stared at Rosa in silence.

“Weren’t you and Amoli to be married on Christmas day?”

Colin forced a smile and tried to nod in agreement.  Neanderthal continued to poke Colin in the side. “Gotta run. Cheers.”

Rosa watched Colin and Neanderthal vanish in the crowd.  She continued to stand amongst the hustle and bustle, as she saw Colin and the beast no more.

Amoli passed by Rosa, giving a little un-intentional shove.

“Hello, Miss Emanuel,” Amoli said with a partial smile.

“Amoli, hello. I was just speaking with Colin.”

“That’s nice.”

“Have you spoken to him lately?”

“I think it’s best that we don’t see each other anymore.”

“Are you sure about this?”

Amoli started to bight the ends of her book. “Are you sure you want to marry Dr. Dimitrikov?”

“Of course I’m sure.”

“He smokes a lot of tobacco, Miss Emanuel.”

“So?”

“Now is your chance to get Colin back.”

“I don’t think I can do that, Amoli.” Rosa’s posture demonstrated her frustration.

“I always knew you wanted him back.  He’s a very nice man.”

“Yes, he is.  Look, Amoli, it’s almost 1911, times are rapidly changing and women are now allowed to do so much more than before.  If you want Colin back, then, you have a chance to pursue him. You see, women can now do the pursuing.”

“It was the most difficult decision that I have ever made to let go of Colin,” Amoli said with a tear in her eyes.

“Me too,” Rosa responded.

“You let go of Colin? I thought he let go of you?”

“Long story,” Rosa said trying to focus on something else.

“You still love him, Miss Emanuel.”

“I just can’t live his crazy lifestyle.  He works too hard.  When would he ever be home?  He drinks too much alcohol.  When would he ever be sober?  He’s always time traveling.  When would he ever be living in the present?  He wears his hair too long. When would he ever cut his hair and look respectable?”

“I like his hair.  I think it makes him look like a god.”

“A god?”  Rosa’s eyes widened.

“When he has a beard with that long hair.  Yes, I very much think he looks like a god.”

“Interesting.”

Amoli smiled. “Well, I suppose you have a lot of planning to do for the wedding.”

“I already purchased my wedding dress,” Rosa said with straight posture. “We’re going to marry on Christmas day.”

“I see.  Colin and I were going to do that too.”

Rosa fiddled with her poorly fitted engagement ring. “Do you still love Colin?”

“Of course,” Amoli paused, then gazed at Rosa’s over-sized engagement ring. “Don’t you?”

“Of course I do.”

“So, why are you marrying Dr. Dimitrikov?  Isn’t he already married to someone in Russia?”

Rosa shifted her eyes a bit. “He said he doesn’t love her anymore and that he wants me.”

“Colin thinks you’re making a mistake.”

“What does Colin know about relationships?  He just knows about those disgusting whores on his ship.”

Amoli’s eyes dropped to the floor.  “Well, I can’t discuss Colin anymore. I’m feeling very saddened about our broken engagement.”

“You were the one who broke it off in the first place.”

“I don’t really like that he’s so popular with the women.  It bothers me.”

Rosa lifted one eyebrow.  “Well, um, yes, that he certainly is.”

“I bet if you made a pass at Colin, he would respond to you.  I know he always loved you.  That also bothered me.”

Rosa’s eyes widened and as she smiled. “Do you think so?”

“You just said it yourself that women can now do the pursuing.”

Rosa fluttered her eyelashes a bit and primped her hair. “Do you think he would respond to me if I made a pass at him?”

Amoli’s head hung low. “I know you want him.  So, why are you so excited about your engagement to Dr. Dimitrikov?”

“Amoli, Colin and I are no more.  In fact, we never were.”

“I don’t believe that. I can’t continue this conversation, it’s too painful!” Amoli blubbered, turning her head away from Rosa.

“Amoli, you made the decision to end it with him.  He’s very sad about that. He loves you.”

“No, he loves you.  I see the way he looks at you. He always calls you love, which makes me ill.”

“All Irish men call all women love.”

“Too many women flock around him.  I can’t stand it anymore.”

“He never encourages it, though.”

“That’s true,” Amoli paused to think about what to say next. “He always gets drunk and ends up sleeping with them.  “I think he encourages it.”

Rosa tried to focus on something else. “Look, he has Neanderthal to worry about. I think that prehistoric creature has become a great burden to him.”

“Poor Neanderthal, nobody likes him anymore.”

“Nobody ever liked Neanderthal.  Neanderthal is mean. He’s always taking shots at Colin. I just saw Colin and he looked a bit banged up.  Poor man.”

Amoli’s expression appeared somewhat surprised.  “Neanderthal is misplaced and he’s so very misunderstood, that’s all.”

“Colin is constantly in a physical confrontation with him.  It was Colin’s idea to bring that bipedal beast to our time period because Colin was afraid for his life.”

“Colin was right. We couldn’t have left Neanderthal in 1970.”

Rosa rolled her eyes back and folded her arms in front of her. “Then you should mind that beast instead of Colin.  Neanderthal always liked you best.”

“I don’t know if I can, my father wants to get me on a boat to India so I can be married off.”

Rosa’s eyes widened. “Don’t tell that to Colin.”

“I don’t know what to do, Miss Emanuel, Colin loves me so much.  Tell me what I should do?”

Rosa stepped back and took a breath. She focused on anything but Amoli. “Do what you want.  If you want to return to India and marry your father’s choice, so be it.”