I get frog marched into a room.
There are several police there, waiting for me. There is also a woman.
One of the police says, “Jack Houlihan you killed a man, with a knife.”
I tell the police man, “I
was attacked, by a large, drunken man, armed with a knife. I defended myself, nothing more.”
The policeman says, “Jack
Houlihan, you are listed at five feet ten inches tall and 13 stone (182 pounds)
weight. Your attacker was listed as six
feet, six inches tall and 22 stone, ten pounds (320 pounds.) Is that correct?”
“I’m five feet ten inches tall and I
weigh about 13 stone. I don’t know the
height or the weight of my attacker, but what you said seems about right.”
The policeman says, “Jack
Houlihan, I can prosecute you, for murder.
How was a man of your size able to kill a much larger man, armed with a
knife?”
(I’m in deep trouble
here. I can think of nothing better than
the truth. “I play soccer. I can run and move. I slice fish in the market, I can use a
knife. I’m very strong, for a man my
size. I moved so that I wasn’t there
when the large man tried to cut me, I
then got in position that I could drive home a fatal strike against the large
man. I tell you again, it was self defense.”
The policeman says, “I have
a job for a man who can defend himself, with a knife, against a knife armed
attacker. The job will be
dangerous. If you take the job, we can
forget about prosecution for murder.”
I sigh, “I have no choice.”
The policeman says,
“None. I have agents for her Royal
Majesty at my throat. Her Royal Majesty
wants the killer, that they call Jack The Ripper, caught.”
I ask, “How am I to go
about catching this Jack The Ripper?”
The policeman says, “Let me
introduce you to Augusta Ann.”
(The lady is attractive,
not stage star attractive, but a looker.)
I slowly rise and bow, “My Lady, the pleasure is mine.”
The lady says, “I am just
plain Augusta Ann, I’m, not of noble birth,”
“Augusta Ann, you are, but you are not
just plain. You hold yourself like a
noble lady.”
(I look at Irish boy. He’s not of noble birth. He’s not all that handsome, but not bad
looking. He’s the kind of boy that my
mother warned me against. However, I
have a living to earn, with my parents dead.)
I lecture the boy, “I learned to shave my father, as he got sick and
died. I have seamstress training.”
(I digest what the lady
told me.) “I’m, puzzled as to what you
have to do with a knife fight, between two men.”
The policeman says, “Jack
The Ripper stalks and kills lone women, in the Whitechapel area.. Augusta Ann
will disguise you as a woman.”
I ask the lady, “How do you
propose to disguise me as a lady?”
Augusta Ann lectures, “I
have a large piece of ruined silk. It’s
the color of mud, but it will do, at night.
I will make you a skirt that will let you walk, with light stitching
that will also let you move like an acrobat.
I will also make you the strangest ladies’ jacket ever, but knife
proof. I will make you a couple of
ladies’ hats. Finally, I will make you a
knife proof scarf.”
I say, “Knife proof sounds
good, but how?”
The policeman says, “My
people have obtained some steel netting,
The steel netting will line the jacket and the scarf. The netting will not stop a knife thrust, but
it will provide some protection against a slashing knife.”
I venture, “The papers say
that Jack The Ripper likes to cut a lady’s throat. If I have a steel netting scarf, I should be
able to survive an attack from behind and then I can deal with Jack The Ripper,
if I’m still on my feet.”
The policeman laughs, “Ah,
feet! You will be furnished a pair of
ladies’ looking shoes with gum rubber soles.
The gum rubber soles will give you good footing on cobble stones.”
I ask, “I then go to
Whitechapel and just wander about at night?”
Augusta Ann says, “I live
with my grandmother, in a house in Whitechapel.
You will live in the house, as well.
You will bathe each night, in a lady scented bath and I will shave you
each night.”