I logically point, “The
other aliens are looking for your guys, not me.
However, if the other aliens talk to a 16-year-old boy, they will fall
for damn near anything, as adults think they're so much more clever than a
16-year-old boy. If you can hook me up
with the other aliens, I can then offer to lead the other aliens to your
guys. Only, I don’t lead them to your
guys, I lead them to the FBI instead.”
The alien leader shakes his
head slowly, in disbelief (an earth gesture he uses only with me. His people don't use that gesture.) He then asks, “You think that the other
aliens and the FBI will start fighting, just like that?”
(Since I suspected that
would be the leader’s reaction, I'm able to keep from laughing in the guy’s
face.) Instead, I say, “No, the FBI
won't kill aliens if there's any other way.
Why, the aliens might be ambassadors of a highly advanced race! Why, the only thing to do is to keep the
aliens at bay while the FBI bucks the problem up the ranks.”
“Similarly, the aliens
can't war with the FBI, at least the FBI here on this planet. Starting a war with primitives has to be
against some alien law or the other.”
The alien leader cogitates
on the matter for while. He finally says, “What you suggest is
actually ingenious. It's impossibly
risky and has far too many ways to go wrong.
However ...”
I finish for him, “It's the
only way that offers your guys even a fighting chance for survival.”
The alien leader thinks for
a long time. He finally, reluctantly
says, “Right.”
We then have a meeting of
the aliens and myself. Actually only the
top echelon of the aliens are at the meeting.
It's just as well. My plan is the
only thing that will work. (Actually,
it'll only work for me and my sister, but I neglect to tell the aliens that.)
“What I'm going to do is to
contact the other aliens. The other
aliens will, of course, capture me.
However, I will, as a naïve, scared 16-year-old, offer to lead the other
aliens to the evil, awful criminal aliens who have committed the crime of
breaking down on a primitive planet.”
(Actually, my aliens are thieves and murderers. However, a man can't be all that choosy about
whom he deals with when he's just 16-years-old and also has a 14-year-old
sister to support.)
“I'll come back to scout
out a hole in the perimeter patrol of my aliens so that the other aliens can
sneak up and capture my aliens. However,
I won't really come back to my aliens.
I'll instead go to a small atmospheric craft planted by my aliens. Since my aliens aren't at the small atmospheric
craft, I'll then lead the other aliens to the FBI and escape while the two
other forces battle it out. Actually,
there will be no battle, as the politicians on each side will begin the long
slow process of dealing with each other.”
“In the meantime, my aliens
can finish the repairs of their spacecraft and escape from both the FBI and the
other aliens.”
The leader of my aliens
points out that his guys will still require several months to complete the
repairs to their ship.
I point out that they would
would require several months if we do all the work
ourselves. However, I'll arrange for
earth machine shops to do almost all of the work. This last will blow the alien’s cover completely. However, the government will allow the parts
to be completed and delivered, because they'll then be able to trace the
delivery of the parts. Of course, my
aliens will simply steal the finished materials and the other aliens can then
figure out how to cover up the whole mess.
Being adults, my aliens
think of a million reason why my plan won't work. (Mainly because I'm too young. Apparently, even advanced civilizations judge
people by counting years instead of judging ability. I guess it seems easier that way for mental
defectives.)
I'm able to answer each
argument. Mainly my answers are that my
plans are good only because there's no other way out of the problem that they
find themselves in. None of the aliens
have an answer to that.