CHAPTER 1
SAYING GOODBYE TO SAY HELLO
The individual is responsible for living his own life and
for finding himself. If he persists in shifting this responsibility to somebody
else, he fails to find the meaning of his own existence.
Thomas Merton
Running-water knew where he was to go
Mesa Verde, an
eight-thousand-foot high plateau in Colorado. It had been there he had first
met the new shaman, and it would be there they would meet again.
He took great pains to
dress in Native clothing, just enough to heighten his handsome features.
Leather moccasins were the right added touch. He left the SUV parked at the
hotel. The park was closed. With a backpack
slung over his broad shoulders, he set out for the deep canyon. He felt the few
last tourists staring at him as he easily jogged along the upper ridge. He
paused just long enough to give the young women an extra treat. He enjoyed his
sensuality and didn't mind showing it.
He knew how to find the
place. The shaman had told him there would cairns marking the directions he
should follow.
Running-water's long legs
and his surefootedness made the trek along the rim of the canyon a good warm
up. His days at the university track team paid off as he broke into an easy trot,
passing what the white man called Spruce Tree House and on toward Cliff Palace.
The smell of pinon pines and tamarisks filled his lungs with their freshness.
He felt good being an Indian. Hell, I
don't need Native American attached to my heritage. I am that I am! For the
first time in his young life, he felt sure of who he was, of what he was, and
he liked the whole damn feeling. True, much of what had transpired in his life
was because of his association with the man he was about to meet.
Cautiously, he climbed down
an old wooden ladder into the canyon's basin. As he jumped from the last rung
of the ladder, he wondered if Adam would look the same. A canon wren called out
as he jogged by a bunch of thistles. Surely,
he must be different after the hellish battle with the witch, Moon-Woman. Am I
not changed?
His mood changed as did the color of the sandstone cliffs. It flowed up
from the earth itself-a renewed sense of sacredness about the ground on which
he now jogged. Becoming more respectful, he slowed his pace. What a difference
between now and then. He had first met Adam at the Spirit of Place Conference.
Man, I was so young then. My primary interest
was in getting laid. Not that I am not interested in that now. It's . . . well
. . . I'm more experienced now.
A smile spread its way across his full lips.
The rapid-fire chirping from a nearby
Mountain Bluebird sounded an alarm.
"No need to worry, my feathered friend, you are in no
danger."
In the old days, he would have thrown
a stone at the bird. He remembered how he had thrown himself into Adam's
presence. That memory caused a sudden burning in his face. He was rash,
arrogant even to think the white man who traveled with the most respected and
feared of all shaman, would give him a story. It amazed him even more that he and this same man are so connected, so
harmonized. It is an enigma.
A slight breeze caught his long blue-black hair. The
coolness against his face felt good after his sudden bout with self-embarrassment.
He stopped and looked up at the marvel that was the palace of the Ancient Ones.
"It must have at least two-hundred rooms," he whispered, "and
in one Adam waits."
"Right on time."
"Man you nearly scared the shit out of me. Where'd you
come from?" Running water said, grabbing the man who had fashioned his destiny.
He released Adam immediately, embarrassed by his sudden display of emotion.
"Up there," Adam said, looking up at a ridge high above
them.
"Yeah, right. You jumped down from up there."
"Used a rope," Adam said as he pointed to a rope hanging
down along the cliff's wall.
Most people would not have noticed the rope and the few
that did would think it was a vine. Running-water silently scolded himself for
not seeing it.
"We'll have to climb back up," Adam said interrupting
Running-water's thoughts. "It's just some added security. Come."
Running-water shook his head at Adam's speed and agility climbing
the rope. Despite his disbelief, he reminded himself it had been a good year
since he had seen Adam. A man can change
a lot in a year.
The strain of the hand-over-hand rope
climb made itself know to Running-water by the sharp pains in his arms. He
hadn't done any rope climbing since his high school days. He sat down on the
ledge to catch his breath and Looked out at the vast sky spreading itself before him. The colors, jewel-like and
ablaze, were bouncing off the sandstone rim that arched high above his head-a
rainbow sunset. Distant junipers dutifully reflected the sunlight.
"Beautiful, isn't it?"
"Awesome. It makes a guy humble."
"And grateful," Adam replied.
"Adam, have you ever wondered by the Ancient Ones [1]
left? It's so totally fantastic here, "Running-water said as he got up to help
Adam with their evening meal.
"It's one of the great mysteries. We have much to talk
about, my brother, decisions to be made, and preparations to put in place,"
Adam said. His voice was low and quiet.
It felt natural to Running-water to have Adam call his "my
brother" and he accepted it as having come from a fellow Indian. What differences does it make if Adam is
white? He is an adopted Indian. He has learned Indian ways, and particularly
those of a shaman. He sure looks like an Indian and would if it weren't for his
azure blue eyes.
"Yes, I know the ways of the shaman
and my powers have grown. And you, friend, have forgotten I can read your
thoughts."
"You're right about that one. I had forgotten," Running-water said.
"We still have to find the sixth and seventh person on
the list left by my father, Esaugetuh. Hopefully, one of them will lead us to
him or at least provide some indication as to what happened to him."
Running-water detected the subdued sadness in Adam's
voice.
"You miss him, don't you?"
"All too often, my brother, we let go of the things most
important to us. Yes, I miss him and I have missed you."
"And I you, " Running-water replied as tears gathered and
he looked away.
He remembered that terrible moment when he thought the
soul-snatcher, Moon-Woman had destroyed Adam. My god, I owe him so much. He fought her to save me, to give my life
back.
"Quiet your mind. You have no debts
with me," Adam replied, interrupting Running-water's thoughts.
All Running-water nodded as he wiped the tears away.
Darkness enveloped the huge cave in which the Palace had
been built. Adam had laid a small protected fire and had started their evening
meal, reminiscent of the many times Esaugetuh had cooked his meals.
Using a metate and mano [2] to grind acorns and corn into
flour, Adam then patted it into flat round cakes and placed them in a pot of
boiling water. Yucca was baking under the coals, and its stalks laced together were laid over the top of the kettle
of boiling water, allowing the steam to cook them. He had set aside some of the boiling water to
steep sweet birch twigs for tea. The small pot was just inside the fire ring to
keep the tea hot. He chuckled as he checked the baking Yucca root.
"What are you laughing about?" Running-water broke the
silence between them.
"The other name for the Yucca plant is Adam's Needle."
His broad smile spread itself out. Even in the dim light of the small cooking
fire, Adam's azure blue eyes glowed.
"Got it. By the way,
where does a guy take a shower around here?" Too late, he realized it was a
dumb question.
"There's a bucket to your right. A tin of powder is next
to the bucket. Wet your hands, use the powder to create a lather. Lather up and
then use the rest of the water to rinse yourself. Best I can do, " Adam
replied.
Running-water stepped out of his moccasins. With two
moves he had his shirt and pants off. Next, he
dropped his shorts. Once his hands were wet, he took a small quantity of
the powder. The amount of suds it generated amazed him.
"Hey, Adam, what's this powder? Man, it sure kicks up a
great lather."
"Dried Yucca Plant."
The firelight played along Running-water's sinews as he continued to
lather up. His man-parts began to grow in size as he lathered himself.
Embarrassed, he doused himself with the bucket of water. Its coldness reduced
his member to normal. Damn, I bet I just
used up all the water. Every time I am bare-butt naked in the wilds I get an
erection.
Stepping into the light of the
fire, Running-water said, "Adam, I
didn't bring a towel since you said to travel light. And I was stupid just now
and used up all the water. I'm sorry, man."
The fire will dry you and don't dress until you are
completely dry. You'll chafe and infections are difficult to cure here. Wrap up
in this blanket. Don't worry about the water. There will be more," Adam said
pointing to a moisture catcher he had built.
Little was said while they ate. Once finished, Adam
offered a brandy, the aged kind they both had learned to appreciate, the same
brand favored by Esaugetuh. It was a
pleasant surprise for Running-water but not to be outdone, he reached behind him,
pulled around his backpack and opened it. He pulled out a black velvet cloth
and with great care untied it, removed two pieces of his flute and put them
together. He then fished around in the black velvet and brought out the
mouthpiece.
The song he played called up memories of a past people. Mysterious, melodic, and
sorrowful; a soul-sound played for the past and present lives, calling out the
universal spirit-a cry for eternal wisdom, compassion, and understanding among
all peoples.
So haunting was the melody even the magnificent cliffs
that housed them blushed with their own memories of times gone by-memories of the
first creation, of seen and unseen
generations of cosmic tadpoles.
As Adam looked at Running-water he nodded. They locked
their gaze, both realizing and understanding their connectivity-twin souls
connected in universal brotherhood. Words were not necessary. Each man knew of
the other's brotherly love; each accepting the sacred trust existing between
them. Both had met the ultimate test-the willingness to die for the other-both
had risen to the call. Both had survived! For the moment, peace belonged to
them.
Running-water nodded back.
Bird song and sunrise announced the promise of a
beautiful day. Adam offered up the left-over bread topped with fresh berries.
In the daylight, Running-water saw a new and lean Adam, bronzed and hair now
long and dark. Most would think he was an
Indian. Of course, the azure blue eyes give
him away.
Adam's voice broke into his thoughts.
"What have you found out about the sixth person on our list?"
"There's been a problem because I wasn't sure if the name
referred to a woman or a man."
"So, nothing," Adam said.
"Quite to the
contrary. Sydney Thompson is a woman," Running-water replied.
"Sounds British. Is she?"
"Canadian. She lives in Toronto. So now, do we go to
Canada? And maybe on to Montreal to open Esaugetuh's safety deposit box? It's
been a while since we knew of its existence. There might be important
information there, something that might give us a hint as to where he is."
Ignoring the questions Adam said, "Do you have anything
specific on this Karuna House I supposedly own?"
"It's in Toronto also. It's a large estate housing a
charitable society. Its location in Toronto tells me it's pricy."
"Hmm. Interesting that our sixth person just happens to
live in Toronto where I just happen to own a mansion and I believe a private
sanitarium. So what did you find out about this Sydney Thompson?" Adam asked.
"She's hot. I mean hot!"
"Cut the crap."
"I can't help it, Adam.
I'm in heat or haven't you noticed?" "Running said laughing as he humped the
air in ithyphallic motions. "She owns a bar, lives upstairs. She occasionally
dates a TJ Russell, a bouncer she hires on heavy weekends. I have photos if you
want to take a look."
"Sure. Have you made contact? And what's the name of the
bar? " Adam paused, let out a low whistle. "You are right about one thing."
"What's that?"
"She's hot."
"Yeah, I thought you'd agree. And no, I haven't made
contact. The bar's called "Sid's". You want me to call her."
"No, not yet," Adam replied. His voice trailed off.
Since his arrival at the cliff-dwelling, Running-water
felt Ada was distracted, even detached from his surroundings. He looked at Adam
just sitting there with a blank expression on his face, eyes half shut. I wonder where he goes when he's like this?
He just sits there staring at the sky or across the canyon searching for
something.
Coming out of his other worldliness,
Adam said, "You want to know about the battle with Moon-Woman?"
"Well, yes-yes I do." The question surprised him. "I've
wondered about it. You've not indicated you wanted to talk about it."
He shifted his body, leaning forward, he looked directly
at Adam.
"How did you defeat her? My god, Adam, I have never been
so terrorized in my life as I watched you battle her." A wave of nausea flooded
him.
"It's difficult to explain exactly what happened. Because
of the shamanistic powers transferred to me from Esaugetuh, I can tune into
certain universal experiences that others cannot. Feedback loops exist whenever
two entities interact, and the information exchanged has a decided effect of
both individuals. As information exchange continues, there is a continued
increased complexity. Listen, do you hear it?"
There was a long pause.
"No," Running-water said. "I don't hear anything."
"That's it. I had to present myself to Moon-Woman as
non-emotive. The total silence of my being was essential. I had to still my
soul, so she could not find a target. The lightning she was generating was her
own hatred, a hatred for what she had become."
"Man, I remember the lightning she was generating. The
total sky was on fire. I even felt the hair on my arms being singed. It scared
the shit out of me. I was so sure you had been fried," Running-water said.
"It was powerful," Adam continued. "Traditional thinkers tell us that the one component of
existence that is beyond change is the soul. They are wrong, dead wrong!"
"Why?"
"Just because the soul is energy and the second law of
thermodynamics says energy can't be destroyed doesn't mean that it can't be
transformed. The soul can be transformed. It is either transformed into pure
love or pure hatred. When one is surrounded by abject hatred and love is gone,
there is nothing left, " Adam said.
"You mentioned a feedback-loop. How did that impact
Moon-Woman?
"It brought her no emotional response from me, and as she
struggled to combat that, the complexity of our
exchange increased to such a degree she became neutralized. At that point, I
had to recharge my emotional level. That's why I called out to you. I need your
strength, energy and your love. Total love and unconditional. You gave that to
me and I defeated her."
"I don't really understand," Running-water said.
"Moon-Woman was the twin of Marrie Copa, your
grandmother. When they were young and courted by Jedediah Woods, your
grandfather, they played the old switch game. He slept with both women and
never knew it. Moon-Woman could not conceive. Denied the one thing she wanted,
she grew bitter. She was barren. She transfixed that hate to Marrie and then to
you when she learned of your existence."
"You think I've inherited her barrenness?" Running-water
asked.
Roaring with laughter, Adam said, "I hardly think so."
"What's so damn funny," Running-water snapped.
"Only women are barren. I thought we covered this before,"
Adam said struggling to contain his laughter.
"Yeah, I know. I guess I'll always wonder until a woman
has my kid. Sorry I interrupted."
Adam got up, moved to the back of the cave. There he
picked up two chunks of dried cactus. Returning to the fire pit, he placed one
at the edge of the fire, waited until it caught fire, and then he moved it
closer to the center. Satisfied, he settled back on the blanket next to
Running-water's.
"If I had met Moon-Woman with hatred, and believe me, I
felt plenty, I would have been consumed by her. The loop would have returned my
hatred tenfold. I had to clear any ill will I felt toward her. To do that I had
to think of only one thing," Adam said.
"Which was," Running-water asked as he sipped the rest of
his brandy.
"The consummate ultimate truth."
"You are talking way beyond me. First, it was silence,
then non-hatred, and now it's ultimate truth. Boil it down, my brother, so this
Indian can get it."
"Love, my brother, love. It's the heart of all creations,
of the cosmos, of our very existence. I thought only of love, unconditional
love, and it drew her in because it was
the one thing she really didn't have."
"And?"
"Since my experience in a parallel universe, I have realized that we and all other
things that exist or ever have existed are inexorably linked. Every breath we
have inhaled has been exhaled at some point by some human, animal, or another life form. Their expelled atoms are a
part of us. And because they are, all other knowledge exists within each of
us-the sum total that has gone on before and all that will become, " Adam
replied.
Continuing, Adam said, "That means every molecule, every
atom, and all of their subparts exist in each of us. If love and only love
existed in my heart, then that was all Moon-Woman could experience. We
experienced the same information, the same energy, even our thoughts are units
of energy. I transferred that energy to her."
"Okay, so what happened to her? Where is she?"
"Because so much of her life force was used up in hatred,
there was enough left to save her. At least, that what I believe. I think she
simply disintegrated," Adam said.
"Man, I just don't get it. To begin with, I thought she
was in an institution in Pennsylvania. "
"I am told the authorities found a pile of ashes in her
cell. They call it spontaneous human combustion. I believe her spirit died."
"And not her soul?" Running-water asked.
"The soul cannot be destroyed, but one's spirit can."
"So, where's her soul? Won't it come back and try to kill
you again?"
"I can only guess. And it is my understanding that the
soul returns to its original source. In this case back to the Akashic Field
where it will be transformed."
"Whew! I am sure glad it's over. She nearly nailed you,"
Running-water said.
"No, my brother, she nearly killed you. I was her conduit
to you."
A sharp flash of lightning scissored the sky. Its
appearance reminded Adam of the hours he spent with Esaugetuh. While they used
to sit and talk, lightning always seemed to be a part of their relationship. Actually, I think lightning baptized me.
Every time I asked Esaugetuh questions that irritated him or got to personal,
lightning blasted out of nowhere. Even on a clear day or night as it did just
now. I wonder what omen it holds.
"Hey, you've left me again. Where are
you, Adam?" Running-water said, giving Adam a gentle poke.
"I was thinking about Esaugetuh and the sessions we used
to have. He was always teaching me a lesson. Mostly, about what he called the
Attributes of Selfhood. Good, God! I've
nearly forgotten them."
Adam closed his eyes trying to remember. When you live something or at least try,
it's difficult to put it to labels.
"The park will soon be open. Won't we
be seen by the Rangers as well as the hordes of tourists?"
"What? Oh, yes. I'll take care of that. Move your gear to
the back about ten feet," Adam replied indicating a V-notch behind them. "Ease
your way up through the crevice. You'll
find a small cavern there."
Adam followed, stopped part way, turned around, and moved
a large rock back into the opening before continuing the climb.
It was an ideal spot. They would be out of view and there
was ample room for two adults. At the moment it was comfortably cool but by
nightfall, it would be cold.
"Adam, why are we here? Are you in danger?" Running-water
said. His voice barely a whisper.
There was something about this place that quieted him.
Maybe it was out of respect for the civilization that once was. Whatever it
was, he felt it deep within his soul.
Adam sensed Running-waters inner thoughts because they
were so strong. Turning to him, he said, "Is it not fitting we should come back
to the place of the Ancient Ones to capture a sense of their essence, to
reestablish a connection to Esaugetuh since I believe him to be a direct
descendant of the Ancient Ones?"
"I suppose you are right, but . . . "
"This woman to whom Esaugetuh gave a building and a bar
to manage may provide another piece of the puzzle," Adam said, ignoring Running-water's
comment.
"He gave her the business to run. You still own it. Hmm,
do you know something you're not telling
me?
"No. It's just that I have questions. Why, for example,
would Esaugetuh give her a bar to run? What's her issue?"
"Her issue? What do you mean?"
"Her problem. Each of the other people on our list had
problems. There have been monetary, physical health, emotional health, or
interpersonal relationship issues. I believe Esaugetuh felt we are a diminished
society and he expects us to do something about it. If we examine the list,
we'll find the people on it are a social experiment, " Adam said.
"Explain."
"I think Esaugetuh believed the human race is separated,
detached, or diminished because it has denied the value of Self. We are no more
than faded holograms separated from our original source."
"Sorry, Adam. I'm not following you."
"Let me put it this way. If a light bulb continually
burns, its brightness over time gradually
dims; it diminishes. Isn't our world like that? Disease, wars, greed,
exploitation, mass murders, terrorism, and political correction. There is a
total disregard for human life. Road rage deaths are indicative of our
inability to control our emotions. Children are toting guns into their schools.
Children are killing their parents and grandparents. And certainly, the continuous
pollution of the environment and the lack of respect for wildlife demonstrates
our separation from the natural world. Not only are we poisoning our physical
world, but we are also poisoning our
emotional world."
"Man, you are sure on a downward spiral. Makes me almost
sorry I asked," Running-water said as he let out a low whistle.
"I am very serious. Thirteen percent of Americans are on
antidepressants. Each year in the United
States there are over 700,000 attempted suicides. Diminished is a good word for
the current state of affairs. A former
President of the United States touted the idea of a thousand points of light.
It failed to ignite the involvement of the citizens. It was a political agenda
and not a spiritual one. Our goal, society's goal, must be to find our way back
to our wholeness-to rediscover the value of Self. And if this is true, doesn't
it establish the necessity for reincarnation in its highest sense?"
"So, you're saying these five people from our list of
seven lost their sense of Self Value?"
"Not self-value; the value of Self. There's a difference.
Self-value implies self-centeredness, that is, an over appraisal of one's
worth, a selfishness. Value of the Self, on the other hand, is recognition of
the source of one's being, a spiritual recognition of one's deity in posse."
"One's what? Man, you sure are off on a run. You sure
you're okay?" Running-water said. His voice was subdued showing concern.
"I am fine. I have much time to think about all of this.
If there is a lesson to be learned from Moon-Woman, we must define it. To
answer your question, Deity in posse
simply means the potentiality of the divine. If you accept the notion human
beings are a creation, and I don't give a crapshoot if it was instantaneous or
evolutionary, then who or whatever was responsible for this creation, must be a
part of us. In that respect, the Hindus have it right."
"Okay, so in what way did you bring about a
reincarnation, a recognition of the value of Self in the five people on our
list of seven? Remember, three of them
are dead," Running-water said.
"Hmm. Maybe if I hadn't looked for them, Marrie Copa,
Christopher Saint-Michaels, and Jedediah Woods would still be alive. Their
deaths haunt me. I know of nothing they did to harm me or anyone else."
Running-water watched the change taking place in Adam. A
cloud of non-being, shroud-like, enveloped him. Eyes now blank, Adam stared off
into empty space.
Why did these three people have to die, Adam thought. Each experienced a horrible death. A bunch of drug-smugglers gunned
down Christopher Saint-Michaels. Marie Copa was starved to death by her twin
sister, Moon-Woman, and Jedediah Woods was electrocuted by a high-voltage wire.
Why?
A tear rolled down his bronzed check
as Adam continued an unwilling remembrance.
Pulitzer author, Thornton Wilder asked the
same question of why. He also provided the answer. When I read his book, The
Bridge of San Luis Rey his answer didn't mean much then. Today, however, it
says it all. He wrote, "There is a land of the living and a land of the dead
and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning. [3]
"Adam," Running-water said.
"Huh?"
"You can't blame yourself for their deaths. If you really
look at it, you brought a renewal of life to each of them. To Saint-Michaels,
you brought a realization of his humanity. You gave Marrie Copa a reason for
living and for Jedediah, my grandfather, you helped him realize his bitterness
eroded far too many of the precious years
of his isolated life. Did you not show them the ultimate truth, as you have
called it, is love? You gave to each of them without condition and for a brief
time, they realized the reality of their lives. No greater gift can a man give
than that. Do not fret, my brother," Running-water said.
Running-water realized there was a bluish glow slowly
emanating from Adam, enfolding him. Gradually Adam became nearly transparent.
Somewhere in the deep enfolded recesses of memory, he recalled seeing Adam become a glowing blue light. Until now, he
had always believed it to be part of his delirium as he lay desperately ill in
the hospital, waiting to die. I haven't been imagining things. I am seeing a physical transformation taking
place, the emergence of a new power, a magnificent power waiting to be set
free. Good, God! Why am I even here? What
am I supposed to be doing?'\